Dear Lee
by FreeJoy
Summary: Clementine writes a letter to Lee knowing full well he will never physically get it, but also knowing that he is hearing every word. *Post Season 2* *Stayed at Wellington* *Short fic* *my first TWD fic*


"Clementine," I turn my head quickly to face the voice, "feel free to use and do anything here in your room. Some of the items are limited but this is all yours." The woman who's name I've already forgot says as she shows me to mine and A.J.'s small room. I nod to her and step into the room as she closes the door and walks away.

I lay A.J. down on the bed and sit next to him letting out a sigh as I look around the room, 'What now?' I think, taking in the bare walls, mostly empty shelves and chipping paint. I stand and walk over to the two shelves mounted on the wall. Three books I have never heard of rest in the rack, I'll probably try and read them when there are nights I can't sleep, which is more often than not. I notice a small spiral notebook and two black ink pens. I grab the notebook and pens and lay down on the floor with them in front of me. I try both of the pens before starting, one doesn't work, I'm not surprised, who knows how long it's been since they were used.

I stare down at the blank lined paper and sigh shakily. I feel my eyes sting with the oncoming tears as I write the heading to a letter I have wanted to write for so long but have not been able to and figured I never would.

 _Dear Lee,_

I hiccup and bite my lip to stop my crying from growing loud enough to wake A.J. I lay my pen down and use the backs of my hands to brush away tears as they fall. Great, all I've done is write his name and I'm already crying.

 _I-_

What am I even going to write? I look at the letter 'I' I have written. I don't know what I am going to write, that's what I'm going to write. Anything that comes.

 _I don't really know what to say. I can feel tears running down my cheeks right now even as I try and write this to you. I know it's silly, and pointless but, I miss you. And for some reason I feel like writing a silly letter to you will help. Kinda dumb of me though. I don't think I can mail something to heaven. Or even mail anything anymore._

 _Things have only gotten worse out there, but you should know I'm safe. I'm in a place called Wellington. It's nice here, but it's strange. I think I'm too used to how it is out there with the walkers to be in here. But Kenny told me to stay with A.J._

 _Oh yeah. Kenny survived the alley after he took care of Ben. He told me what happened. I'm sad Ben didn't make it. He was a good friend, maybe not the smartest, but a good friend. Oh, and you never met him but A.J. is a baby who is part of the group I became part of. Well kinda was now, the group isn't around. It's just the two of us._

I see the image of Kenny walking away from Wellington, not looking back even once. I shake the thought away and write on.

 _I haven't seen Christa. Not long after I got with them, after...saying goodbye to you, Omid got shot and died. It was horrible, no words other than horrible can describe it. Christa wasn't the same with Omid gone, you know how they worked as one. Christa and I got separated and I haven't seen her since. I hope she is doing well, and if not, I hope she is with you and Omid. As long as she isn't a walker and she is happy, that's all that matters._

I pull my hand up from the paper, I look at the shaking pen in my grasp and laugh softly at myself with a weak breath.

 _I know you won't really read this but that's probably a good thing. My handwriting is so shaky right now. It's really hard to read._

I scoff at myself for adding that to my letter. I look to the paper and reread what I have written so far, then start again with the first thing that comes to my mind, a somber thought.

 _I wish you were here. Or still with me. Or something. I have changed so much, and I know it is all thanks to you._

I still my pen as I see memories of Lee showing me how to shoot a gun, to walk among walkers, telling me to keep my hair short and more in my mind's eye.

 _I don't fear much anymore. I don't think I fear anything honestly, I don't feel like I have much left to loose, well other than my life, but don't worry Lee, I'm not giving up and I won't give up. It's just so strange to think, here I am sitting in Wellington, with paper in front of me and a pen in my hand. Isn't that crazy? I never thought I'd draw or write ever again after my time with you and our group was done. I didn't think anything would ever feel like this again. But it still feels wrong. I just can't feel safe. I haven't felt safe since you left. I-_

I pause and take a deep breath as I hear Lee's voice ring in my ears.

 _I know you said I'm strong. And I hope I have proven that to you and everyone I meet. But still Lee..._

My tears blurring my writing as they drop onto the ink scribbled paper.

 _I want you here. I want to be with you. I miss you Lee. So, so much. Things just aren't right without you. You knew how to handle people and situations. I'm tired of having to be strong! I have tried my best to do what you taught me but I'm tired of it. I feel like I am older than I am. But new people or new groups just see me as some dumb little kid but I'm not! And you never saw me as one! You always saw me as an important member of the group. I really do miss that, when you were around no one ever thought twice about my opinion._

I let my hand scribble quickly, barely finishing one word before I start the next, each letter more illegible than the last.

 _Dang it, here I am crying over ink and it's blurring my words, but again, it doesn't matter, I'm writing scribbles plus, you'll never be able to read this. I think this is more for me than you. But still, I hope you can see this. I know you can see me now. I know you have been watching over me, ever since the day you had to leave._

I shake my head and try not to think about that horrible day. Gun, handcuffs, keys. All of it letting the images of those fateful items fade from my mind.

 _I know thanks to you, I have never been alone. You were with me in the tool shed, when I stitched up my own arm, found a group and escaped walkers on my own. You were with me walking through herds of walkers, choosing who to help and who to leave. You have been with me this whole time, me knowing how to survive this crazy messed up world is all thanks to you. But I still… I wish you were here. Things would be so different. I probably wouldn't be here in Wellington with A.J. but I'd be with you. That's all I want. I want to see my parents too but, I don't even know anymore. I'm not their little Clementine anymore, I'm your Clem. I'm different._

I look to the window and let out a harsh and shaky breath I didn't realize I have been holding. The sky looks so blue and beautiful, so deceiving because the world outside is not beautiful. It is wrong and full of blood, pain and death. There is nothing beautiful out there anymore. I turn my face back to my scribbles of ink.

 _I won't give up Lee. I won't stop fighting but I really cannot wait to see you again._

 _To thank you._

 _To hug you._

 _To talk to you._

 _Just anything and everything._

I sit up and look at the page two pages of my scribbles with wet ink splotches and sigh. I wipe the tear streaks away from my face and try and let the happy memories of Lee flood my mind but a sad memory with the words "I'll miss you" being said in a deep voice I miss so much and a higher pitch of my own voice saying "me too" keep echoing in my head.

I bite my lip and add the last line to my letter.

 _I love you Lee, and miss you more and more with every day, I know you wouldn't want me saying this but, I really can't wait to see you again._

 _Yours,_

 _Clem_

Thank you all for reading, be sure to let me know what you think in a review!


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